Life. Life is a journey we go through. Life is what makes us and breaks us. Life is crashing but enjoying the fall.
I've heard that in life we have to make our own experiences, learn by ourselves. Sure we can follow advice every once in a while, but in the end all we want is to have lived.
Now you can go through life having done what you wanted and left a mark, or you can go by unnoticed and living for others. I believe we should live as much as we can, because no one gets out alive anyway.
How do you live when you're being held back?
I live in a small town. You see lots of things here, but nothing compared to what you see in New York or L.A. I'm not a small town kind of person. I have big city dreams and where I am I feel like Im doing nothing at all.
When I go to college I don't want to be THAT girl. You know, the girl who doesn't know anything about life? That girl who can't do her laundry, who can't read trouble, who never picked up on the lingo, who never had a summer love, who never went away for summer camp, who never grew up... I don't want to be her.
For my age I am mature on some things and still a kid for others. For example, I've been waiting 7 years to go to the New York Film Academy. Why? Becaus that's what I want to do and I know it. I want to be an actress. I have known it since I was 5. I know it's difficult; I know there's a lot of rejection, but I can deal.
I want to be able to go away from home to see if I can survive. Home is not the problem. Its the place where home is. I want to be able to leave this town behind even if its just for 3 weeks and forget everything. Breathe, eat and live acting. I want to know new people; people who are different from the ones I know (not that all the ones I know are so bad).
I love my mom and my dad. I mean, they are my world. They have been there when no one else has been. They are each others' balance. Realistic vs. Optimistic. Extrovert vs. Introvert. Show bussines vs. Office buddy. Thats why I love them. But sometimes they cease to understand the world I'm leaving in. Sometimes it's hard to let go and I'm not asking them to let go. I'm just asking them to tie me with a looser knot. I just want one thing. One little thing they cannot give me. I know they give me much more than I deserve every single day. Someday I hope I can be a good enough daughter for them. Until then, they know this is a dream I'm not giving up on. I found something that I love and I'm great at, so I will continue to work on it 'til I succeed.
I reccommend you do that too.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Robbers and Finals
AGHHHHH.
Sorry, just needed to get that out. It's been a stressing couple of days.
My favorite day of the week is Monday; Monday afternoon to be exact. From 7-9 I get to go to acting class, which is a magic place for me. So class ends and I'm putting my shoes on when I look over to the piano-the classes are in a ballet studio- where there's lots of stuff scattered except one thing. My recently bough Blackberry Bold 9000 was gone. POOF. Vanished into thin air. I am pretty messy with my stuff so, I looked for it to see if I misplaced it. I didn't. I called the number and it sent me straight to voicemail. Funny, my cellphone had been on. I started panicking. Now, you might think I sound materialistic or something. I am not, but I do have trust issues with my parents. I always think they aren't going to believe me when I tell them things. They never do. Nikki: "Hey, my iPod got stolen"
Dad: (with very skeptic face) "Reaaallllyyy? Who?"
N: "It was in my lunchbox. Lunchbox was in my room when the cleaning lady was casually 'cleaning lunchboxes'. See the allibi?"
D: "YOU ALWAYS MISPLACE THINGS. IPODS AND LUNCHBOXES ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER. YOU DO NOT GIVE THINGS THE VALUE THEY DESERVE."
Took me three or four years to get another iPod. Same thing when the cute guys stole my camera. Never leave your camera unattended when two guys suddenly flirt with you on the beach at sunset.
Back to the story, I got home and my mom asked me how did it go in class. I gave her pouty face and unexpectedly started to sob. Like hardcore sobbing. I think she thought I had been hit or something. Daddy got a little '24' and sent a message to my cellphone saying "We know who you are. We saw you through the security camera. Give it back tomorrow and we wont do anything. If not, get ready."
Oh and those of you who care... I am in finals. My last middle school exams. They've been pretty easy, so thats good.
I'm really tired now, so more blogs coming your way soon.
Comment :)
Sorry, just needed to get that out. It's been a stressing couple of days.
My favorite day of the week is Monday; Monday afternoon to be exact. From 7-9 I get to go to acting class, which is a magic place for me. So class ends and I'm putting my shoes on when I look over to the piano-the classes are in a ballet studio- where there's lots of stuff scattered except one thing. My recently bough Blackberry Bold 9000 was gone. POOF. Vanished into thin air. I am pretty messy with my stuff so, I looked for it to see if I misplaced it. I didn't. I called the number and it sent me straight to voicemail. Funny, my cellphone had been on. I started panicking. Now, you might think I sound materialistic or something. I am not, but I do have trust issues with my parents. I always think they aren't going to believe me when I tell them things. They never do. Nikki: "Hey, my iPod got stolen"
Dad: (with very skeptic face) "Reaaallllyyy? Who?"
N: "It was in my lunchbox. Lunchbox was in my room when the cleaning lady was casually 'cleaning lunchboxes'. See the allibi?"
D: "YOU ALWAYS MISPLACE THINGS. IPODS AND LUNCHBOXES ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER. YOU DO NOT GIVE THINGS THE VALUE THEY DESERVE."
Took me three or four years to get another iPod. Same thing when the cute guys stole my camera. Never leave your camera unattended when two guys suddenly flirt with you on the beach at sunset.
Back to the story, I got home and my mom asked me how did it go in class. I gave her pouty face and unexpectedly started to sob. Like hardcore sobbing. I think she thought I had been hit or something. Daddy got a little '24' and sent a message to my cellphone saying "We know who you are. We saw you through the security camera. Give it back tomorrow and we wont do anything. If not, get ready."
Oh and those of you who care... I am in finals. My last middle school exams. They've been pretty easy, so thats good.
I'm really tired now, so more blogs coming your way soon.
Comment :)
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Hola :)
Hey peoples...
In my blog I will explain the mishaps of my life. The depths of a thirteen (almost fourteen) year-old mind. I'm going to say everything I think 'blunt and up front'-ly.
Right now it's about 1am where I live; I should be sleeping 'cause I have a final tomorrow, but I'm not sleepy. I am too busy thinking.
Now, I like to believe I'm not your common teenage girl. I take pride in not being it. I like Frank Sinatra, Elvis Costello, Johnny Cash; I listen to Motown, watch "Casablanca" and own classics like "Singing in the Rain" and "Breakfast at Tiffany's".
I read "To Kill a Mockingbird"in 6th grade and I understood all of it. I've read Billy Crystal's "700 Sundays" twice and a bunch of other books.
I solely believe theirs various sides -if not personalities- to who I am. There's the school me; trying to fit in without being trampled on. The actress me; that girl so strong she could say or do anything without any regrets. The writer in me; all my thoughts, heart-chips (not heartbreaks), misfortunes, grievances, moments of happiness, etc. are documented in pen and paper. The musical me; my body craves the music. Scratch that, it NEEDS music as much as acting. I think I have some kind of illness that causes me severe reactions to not acting. I cry, get pissed easily, and suddenly my life becomes a mess.
There's so much about me that I tell people... hoping to hear something back. Well, I guess now I'm saying what I shush.
When I'm scared or feel insecure I read a bit of the Bible and the fall asleep with it in my arms. I wake up with a different kind of strength, like I'm not alone anymore. God is love.
Don't take me wrong, sometimes -most of the times- I love being alone. Just me, my thoughts and music. There is a difference between being alone and lonely and I have learned to deal with them both. I always try to look for the best in people, even when they don't cease to disappoint me. Oh... I am a little dilusional now, so I might regret writing some of this stuff.
So, that's it folks. For now.
Love and Luck,
Nikki
P.S.: Follow me on twitter. NikkiCK :)
In my blog I will explain the mishaps of my life. The depths of a thirteen (almost fourteen) year-old mind. I'm going to say everything I think 'blunt and up front'-ly.
Right now it's about 1am where I live; I should be sleeping 'cause I have a final tomorrow, but I'm not sleepy. I am too busy thinking.
Now, I like to believe I'm not your common teenage girl. I take pride in not being it. I like Frank Sinatra, Elvis Costello, Johnny Cash; I listen to Motown, watch "Casablanca" and own classics like "Singing in the Rain" and "Breakfast at Tiffany's".
I read "To Kill a Mockingbird"in 6th grade and I understood all of it. I've read Billy Crystal's "700 Sundays" twice and a bunch of other books.
I solely believe theirs various sides -if not personalities- to who I am. There's the school me; trying to fit in without being trampled on. The actress me; that girl so strong she could say or do anything without any regrets. The writer in me; all my thoughts, heart-chips (not heartbreaks), misfortunes, grievances, moments of happiness, etc. are documented in pen and paper. The musical me; my body craves the music. Scratch that, it NEEDS music as much as acting. I think I have some kind of illness that causes me severe reactions to not acting. I cry, get pissed easily, and suddenly my life becomes a mess.
There's so much about me that I tell people... hoping to hear something back. Well, I guess now I'm saying what I shush.
When I'm scared or feel insecure I read a bit of the Bible and the fall asleep with it in my arms. I wake up with a different kind of strength, like I'm not alone anymore. God is love.
Don't take me wrong, sometimes -most of the times- I love being alone. Just me, my thoughts and music. There is a difference between being alone and lonely and I have learned to deal with them both. I always try to look for the best in people, even when they don't cease to disappoint me. Oh... I am a little dilusional now, so I might regret writing some of this stuff.
So, that's it folks. For now.
Love and Luck,
Nikki
P.S.: Follow me on twitter. NikkiCK :)
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