I didn't want him to 'just beat it' yet...

I was born a child of the 90's, mid 90's to be exact. So I couldn't appreciate the feel of the music that was raging then, because I was too young. Nevertheless, Michael Jackson was always present. I remember being 7 years old and going down to my friend Jessica's house to film 'our show'. The show consisted of her dad's video camera, us doing fake commercials and interviewing her older brother. When we would interview him, we'd go up to his room turn down the lights, leaving only a little green lamp on, and play MJ's "Thriller". We'd do that every single time and it never got less funnier.
As I got older I started to hear the whispers and cruel jokes about this man's life. I always believed that no matter what he was being accused of he would always be a music legend. In the last year or so, I started getting more and more into oldies. And with that came the Jackson 5 and a little more MJ. It was so beaituful how a rythm could make you feel so alive, so happy. It was like an electric shock going through your body. I was enamored by the sensual and appealing "PYT", captivated by the strong and imperative "Beat It", forced to have fun dancing "Thriller", and those are just a few.
The stage presence that characterized Michael Jackson will be hard to imitate, because believe me through the years it'll continue to be imitated. Like John Mayer said: "Michael Jackson, like James Brown and Prince, are nearly uncoverable. The tunes were about his innate talent and can't really be replicated."
His label scream, seducing dance steps, and young voice kept all of the young generation and will keep us dancing for a long time.
With fifty years because of a heart attack a father of two children, an irreplaceable talent, a brother, and bussinessman passed away. I know my words won't do him the justice he deserves, but I write this with the best intentions.
We love you Michael Jackson. May you always be in our hearts and souls.

Michael Joseph Jackson
(August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009)

Learning to let go

Letting go is a tough concept. Letting go of love, of people, of places; it's always hard. Unfortunately, life gives us that challenge. The challenge of letting go of your childhood and walking into the big doors of high school; letting go of the place you grew up in and everyone who'd ever been in your life; letting go of the person you fell in love with and everything they ever did to you; letting go of the people who have passed away and all the sorrow we keep for them. Sometimes, we even have to let go of ourselves. But what exactly is letting go of yourself? It's letting go of every preconceived idea we have of people, of the image we keep for society, of all the feelings we keep shut inside our heart and of everything everyone ever said about us. And what's left without all this is you. Just you and the pureness of your being. Yeah, letting go is a healing process. It hurts so much and you cry, you feel sad, you don't know what to do. But in time you get better, you grow. I'm not exactly saying that you forget; you don't. The thing you let go of becomes a beautiful memory in the ambiguousness of your mind.
And then there's a new chapter. You start over, fresh and new. With everything to do and it doesn't bother you. Because if anything happens, you know you're strong enough to let go.

Today I let go of middle school and will walk, this August, into the doors of high school. I let go of the pain of losing great people to Him. I let go of people I thought were my friends. Most importantly, I let go of feelings.

A lot of people are dealing with the same things I am,except a lot of people I know are leaving or have left. To other schools, other countries, heaven, but it doesn't matter. They're not being forgotten or saying goodbye, it's just a see you later.

Whatever's bothering you, let it go. And you know what the best thing is? We survive. :)

Different worlds, looser knots and acting aspirations.

Life. Life is a journey we go through. Life is what makes us and breaks us. Life is crashing but enjoying the fall.
I've heard that in life we have to make our own experiences, learn by ourselves. Sure we can follow advice every once in a while, but in the end all we want is to have lived.
Now you can go through life having done what you wanted and left a mark, or you can go by unnoticed and living for others. I believe we should live as much as we can, because no one gets out alive anyway.
How do you live when you're being held back?
I live in a small town. You see lots of things here, but nothing compared to what you see in New York or L.A. I'm not a small town kind of person. I have big city dreams and where I am I feel like Im doing nothing at all.
When I go to college I don't want to be THAT girl. You know, the girl who doesn't know anything about life? That girl who can't do her laundry, who can't read trouble, who never picked up on the lingo, who never had a summer love, who never went away for summer camp, who never grew up... I don't want to be her.
For my age I am mature on some things and still a kid for others. For example, I've been waiting 7 years to go to the New York Film Academy. Why? Becaus that's what I want to do and I know it. I want to be an actress. I have known it since I was 5. I know it's difficult; I know there's a lot of rejection, but I can deal.
I want to be able to go away from home to see if I can survive. Home is not the problem. Its the place where home is. I want to be able to leave this town behind even if its just for 3 weeks and forget everything. Breathe, eat and live acting. I want to know new people; people who are different from the ones I know (not that all the ones I know are so bad).
I love my mom and my dad. I mean, they are my world. They have been there when no one else has been. They are each others' balance. Realistic vs. Optimistic. Extrovert vs. Introvert. Show bussines vs. Office buddy. Thats why I love them. But sometimes they cease to understand the world I'm leaving in. Sometimes it's hard to let go and I'm not asking them to let go. I'm just asking them to tie me with a looser knot. I just want one thing. One little thing they cannot give me. I know they give me much more than I deserve every single day. Someday I hope I can be a good enough daughter for them. Until then, they know this is a dream I'm not giving up on. I found something that I love and I'm great at, so I will continue to work on it 'til I succeed.
I reccommend you do that too.

Robbers and Finals

AGHHHHH.
Sorry, just needed to get that out. It's been a stressing couple of days.
My favorite day of the week is Monday; Monday afternoon to be exact. From 7-9 I get to go to acting class, which is a magic place for me. So class ends and I'm putting my shoes on when I look over to the piano-the classes are in a ballet studio- where there's lots of stuff scattered except one thing. My recently bough Blackberry Bold 9000 was gone. POOF. Vanished into thin air. I am pretty messy with my stuff so, I looked for it to see if I misplaced it. I didn't. I called the number and it sent me straight to voicemail. Funny, my cellphone had been on. I started panicking. Now, you might think I sound materialistic or something. I am not, but I do have trust issues with my parents. I always think they aren't going to believe me when I tell them things. They never do. Nikki: "Hey, my iPod got stolen"
Dad: (with very skeptic face) "Reaaallllyyy? Who?"
N: "It was in my lunchbox. Lunchbox was in my room when the cleaning lady was casually 'cleaning lunchboxes'. See the allibi?"
D: "YOU ALWAYS MISPLACE THINGS. IPODS AND LUNCHBOXES ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER. YOU DO NOT GIVE THINGS THE VALUE THEY DESERVE."

Took me three or four years to get another iPod. Same thing when the cute guys stole my camera. Never leave your camera unattended when two guys suddenly flirt with you on the beach at sunset.
Back to the story, I got home and my mom asked me how did it go in class. I gave her pouty face and unexpectedly started to sob. Like hardcore sobbing. I think she thought I had been hit or something. Daddy got a little '24' and sent a message to my cellphone saying "We know who you are. We saw you through the security camera. Give it back tomorrow and we wont do anything. If not, get ready."

Oh and those of you who care... I am in finals. My last middle school exams. They've been pretty easy, so thats good.
I'm really tired now, so more blogs coming your way soon.
Comment :)

Hola :)

Hey peoples...
In my blog I will explain the mishaps of my life. The depths of a thirteen (almost fourteen) year-old mind. I'm going to say everything I think 'blunt and up front'-ly.
Right now it's about 1am where I live; I should be sleeping 'cause I have a final tomorrow, but I'm not sleepy. I am too busy thinking.
Now, I like to believe I'm not your common teenage girl. I take pride in not being it. I like Frank Sinatra, Elvis Costello, Johnny Cash; I listen to Motown, watch "Casablanca" and own classics like "Singing in the Rain" and "Breakfast at Tiffany's".
I read "To Kill a Mockingbird"in 6th grade and I understood all of it. I've read Billy Crystal's "700 Sundays" twice and a bunch of other books.
I solely believe theirs various sides -if not personalities- to who I am. There's the school me; trying to fit in without being trampled on. The actress me; that girl so strong she could say or do anything without any regrets. The writer in me; all my thoughts, heart-chips (not heartbreaks), misfortunes, grievances, moments of happiness, etc. are documented in pen and paper. The musical me; my body craves the music. Scratch that, it NEEDS music as much as acting. I think I have some kind of illness that causes me severe reactions to not acting. I cry, get pissed easily, and suddenly my life becomes a mess.
There's so much about me that I tell people... hoping to hear something back. Well, I guess now I'm saying what I shush.
When I'm scared or feel insecure I read a bit of the Bible and the fall asleep with it in my arms. I wake up with a different kind of strength, like I'm not alone anymore. God is love.
Don't take me wrong, sometimes -most of the times- I love being alone. Just me, my thoughts and music. There is a difference between being alone and lonely and I have learned to deal with them both. I always try to look for the best in people, even when they don't cease to disappoint me. Oh... I am a little dilusional now, so I might regret writing some of this stuff.
So, that's it folks. For now.

Love and Luck,
Nikki



P.S.: Follow me on twitter. NikkiCK :)